November 2011

November was a good month, but went so quickly. I moved in with my friends Jen and Eddie and applied for jobs like crazy, getting a few interviews and a second interview...and then was offered a new job! I accepted it and started work on the 30th at what seems like is going to be a great fit.

I spent Thanksgiving cooking at my friends' Mike and Olivia and then we all went over to Brandon and Jen's house to eat (Brandon is my pastor). They had a few other people over and we ate and laughed and had a great time.

I had a week off of work and took that time to get a bunch of cleaning and unpacking done and I also worked on a small quilt getting one side all together :)

As I mentioned earlier, I started work with pregnant women and their kiddos. I am excited to see where this job goes, because I already love it! The staff is great, the women are fun and I have actual work to do, and when I need a break I can go hold babies (and actually that's part of my job too, as I will be helping the women with their kiddos).

So yeah, I've finally found some peace out here in the desert and I'm excited to see where God takes it from here. Can't wait to go home and see everyone for Christmas though...

Books This Month: Hunger Games (really good!), Women of the Bible 37 Stories of Faith (pretty good).

Songs This Month: Love Is Waiting (Brooke Fraser), Something in The Water (Brooke Fraser)

October 2011

Oh, October what a month!

I decided that my job was too horrible to continue doing, as the hours are horrible and I am constantly exhausted and my kids curse at and hit me. Not a good environment for what I'm going through right now. So I began to apply to places and received a few calls for interviews...we'll see what happens.

I also got my new health insurance and hit up the eye doctor (first time since high school), the dentist and the doctor (got my first flu shot ever). I researched diets and figured out what would be best for me with my allergies. I do want to lose weight, but right now, my focus has to be on getting healthy, so finding a healthy diet to fit my restrictions was tricky, but found and will start one in November.

Then there was Abra's wedding! Oh man! I got to see friends and family and watch my best friend marry an amazing and Godly man. Going back home for a visit was a great break, and taught me that I am more at home here now.

I was asked by Jen and Eddie to move in with them after Abra's wedding, so I prayed about it and decided to go for it...Moved in Nov 4th.

I think I am finally settled in here. Still getting used to seeing palm trees everywhere, and no mountain range to the west, but it is beautiful here, and it is home.

I am excited to see what God does with our church and why exactly He has brought me here, but I know He will show me and I will be delighted.

See you next month...

Books this month: Battling Unbelief by John Piper, Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller. Both are really good books and I highly recommend them (but they came recommended from my pastor back home, so I knew they would be).

Songs this month: All I Can Say by David Crowder Band, Strong Enough by Matthew West and Courageous by Casting Crowns

September 2011

I know, I know...I haven't posted any new pictures since I've moved here. Something I will work on remedying!

September has been brutally hard, and God has been sufficiently loving. "When I am weak, then I am strong"...a verse I am clinging to these days. A mantra that I run in the back of my head when work is hard, or when the homesickness is hitting me. I have received letters, texts and face book posts just when I needed them to keep me going, and I have the promise of Heaven to push for...

But this month has been really hard!

I hate my job, I miss my family and I have felt very isolated and alone. A few things happened in the place I left and has left me with less support than I anticipated and my work hours have left me out of quite a bit of fellowship and fun events. I miss Japan and still don't know how/what to do about it. Also, work is taxing taking a lot out of me emotionally and I am driving about 9-10 hours a week just to and from work (which means great pay checks...but that's not all it's cracked up to be).

I am prayerful that I will have a new job soon, or can find a way not to be so hurt by my current one. Please join me in praying for that! And tune in next month to see if God answered prayers about job/loneliness things and to hear about my trip back to see friends and family for a wedding...I am so excited!.

books this month: Wheel of Time Series (I finished book 12 this month, and it was my favorite in the series so far!)
music this month: Strong enough by Matthew West, the CD Light up the Sky by the Afters and the CD Promises from Steele Crosswhite

August 2011

Augsut 2011, how you were a whirlwind of change and emotion!

I moved out of my hometown and away from all of my family and almost all of my friends and into the desert to help a church and obey God. It's crazy from the world's point of view, and right now I don't see the fruit or understand it myself, I only know that God is going to do something great and I am trusting and working to see it happen.

I spent the beginning of August job hunting, as I decided not to go to school down here because it would cost too much money. I got so sick of online applications that I spent a day just going around and handing out my resume...and got a call back! I went to the interview and was offered the job, so I am now employed.

I am just over half way through training now and am nervous and excited for this job. I will be doing direct support work with kids, and trying out this social work sphere. I am aprehensive of emotional support for myself, as I am one who feels things very deeply for others. I am excited, because I am one of those people who genuinely loves everyone and may be able to bring a child much needed love and support...so we'll see how it goes. Prayer for that would be amazing.

I spent the last half of August getting life switched out here (getting my car registered, finding a gym, getting a new license, etc...) and housesitting for some family friends. It was a good last few weeks of unemployment in that I got to rest, read a ton and spend time with Jesus and getting to know the family I am living with...

I am living with a family of 4. A couple and their 2 teenage kids. This is a whole new deal for me, and I'm still figuring out my role...As of right now, I have no chores around the house (which is so weird).

I have adjusted to the move better than I anticipated (or it hasn't hit me yet and the crying will come soon). Either way, I am well now. I miss my family terribly and get nervous with such big roads and so much traffic, but I am enjoying palm trees and my friends here. I am enjoying the freedom that comes from knowing I'm in God's will too, and that is a great freedom to have.

So, as fall begins and it cools down here (they tell me it will happen soon...though I remain skeptical each day it remains as hot as the last), I am getting ready to dive in deeper and figure out how to serve this church and love it's people. I am going to figure out how to be effective for Christ and will continue to pray for more single women friends....God was SO kind to send me a new friend the very first week I got here, though, so that's awesome! I am also hoping for a roommate out here so I can invite single women over more for hangouts and such.

This is an interesting trip around the sun for sure though, if you had told me last August that I'd be here this August, I would have laughed at you and then been sad that my dreams of home might not come true. Now, I have let them go and am ready to go where God leads me. I am still praying about what my involement in Japan should be (I still miss those people dearly and pray for them all the time...a pastor we worked with out there found an unreached area last week, and was able to give them their first warm meal (and meat) in 4 months).

I am so thankful that God's love never fails and holding firmly to the promise that He will always be with me.

August was a whirlwind, but it was so good too. Tune in next month to see what's new and how work is going...

Books this month: Wheel of Time Series by Robert Jordan...I'm on book 6 or seven now. They are for sure a fun read!

Songs this month:  One Thing Remains (Jesus Culture), My Savior (Steele Crosswhite), How Long (10th Avenue North)

July 2011

So here's July in a nutshell...

The beginning of July was spent travelling to the church I'm joining and leaving my car there. I was able to stay for the week of the 4th and celebrated in true Rock style with a BBQ. It was fun to get to reconnect with the Rockers and get to know the saints out there a little better. As soon as I got back, I went to Nebraska to visit my grandma. We stayed one night, and I was so glad to have had some time to catch up with her.

I also spent the beginning of July trying to find a way back to Japan. Sadly, none presented itself and I have to trust that for now, there are good reasons why I am not going back. And one of those reasons is that I get to pray for it and would like to ask you to join me too.

That said, the rest of the month has been a blur of reading, relaxing, cleaning, packing, GETTING TO WORK PART TIME (which I prayed for and God answered!) and saying goodbyes. I also got to welcome my new nephew to the world and hold him a bit.

My heart is heavy leaving all these people here that I love and excited to finally be able to dive all the way into a ministry, as I've been pulling out of one to transition.

I have no idea what the future holds...but I know that God called me and I will be blessed for obeying...tune in next month to see how He's blessed...

Please pray for the blessing of a job, and more permanent housing...as well as delightful surprises...

Books this month: The Wheel of Time Series by Robert Jordan (I' just finished book 4 and am really enjoying them)

Songs this month: How He Loves (David Crowder Band) Sokura (Japanese song) There is Nothing Like (Hillsong United), One Thing Remains (Jesus Culture)

June 2011

I am back from Japan and am trying to figure out what it all means.

There is such an urgent need for believers to flood that land with Love and Hope, and there just isn't the response that is necessary. My heart is broken and my Spirit is stirred.

What does it all mean?

Do I give up my life here and try to go live there as a missionary?

Do I stay here and witness in America? After all, we need the Gospel too.

I just don't know. I only know that I do not have a peace being here right now. But will 3 weeks be enough to give me that peace? What about 3 months? 3 years?

What does the Lord have for me?

I think that for the first time in my life I am open to God's will. For years now I have been praying "Here am I send me"...and meant it in my own way (husband, kids, house)...but if God asks, I will abandon that to live in the evacuee camps with the Japanese...or go spend thousands of dollars I don't have for school trusting that God will make it clear why.

But again, what does the Lord have for me?

I think it's up for me to decide...

Micah 6:8

"He has told you, O man, what is good;

   and what does the LORD require of you

but to do justice, and to love kindness,

   and to walk humbly with your God?"

Deuteronomy 10:12-13

"And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?"

So, now I must pray and search to make a decision. Do I stay or do I go? Which is walking in serving the Lord with all my heart? Which is justice and kindness walking humbly with God? Pray with me, because depending on my heart and my calling, it could be either. 

Music: "There is No One Like" By Hillsong United

Books: Acts...didn't have much time to read anything else. But I love this book a ton because Paul shares the Gospel via his testimony several times. How are we doing at that? Do you open up to God's power in your own life with others?

May 2011

May has been a whirlwind, and I am glad to say I finally got some of the answers I have been searching for since February...

I will be going to Japan from June 14-27 to help with relief work and am almost entirely funded and ready to go.

I will be moving to AZ in July (when is still to be determined).

It's been a rollercoaster of a month, and I didn't stop or slow down once. I have been exhausted, excited, sad and lonely.

Sitting here and trying to remember it piece by piece is impossible. I only remember saying goodbye to all my coworkers for the last time, knowing that I won't ever work with them on this earth.
I also rememebr saying goodbye to my kiddos, knowing soon they won't even remember be.

I ended my month by getting up at 3:45 AM to say goodbye to my roommate, her fiance and my good friend Nate. May 31 was a very emotional day as I sent them ahead of me to AZ and let the reality of Japan and moving set in.

I am excited to see what God does with June, and I promise to try and remember it better...See my other blog for Japan photos/posts as that time draws near.

Books: (Still working on The Suicide Club...enjoying it)

Music: (Learning Japanese via CD)

April 2011

April has been busy and hard. Here are the highlights:

     - I got into a grad school program, and will be moving out of state (and away from my whole family, and almost all my close friends) by August, but have had no success in finding a summer job...which means I may be out there as early as June.
         - My heart is torn between here and there, and so is my energy. I have spent more than a few hours looking for a job but to no avail and I am tiring of the continued splitting of my efforts.

     - I took a few days before Easter to fly out west and visit my best friend from the third grade. I was a bitter sweet visit, and I am so glad that I made the time to get out there.

     - I turned 25.

That's really just my month in a nutshell. A lot of it has been logistics and job hunting, as well as the normal swing of things. I am still down and I am still exhausted, but am hopeful that my God will pull me through, and trusting that he will.

...Jesus' blood never failed me yet...and I seriously doubt it ever will


Books this month: The Mysterious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Ragamuffin Gospel. I'm about half way through the Ragamuffin Gospel and though there's a lot of Catholicism in it, I highly recommend it. I also really enjoyed Jekyll and Hyde, if you haven't read it, you should, it's a classic and it's worth it.


Songs this month: Fail Us Not (1000 Generation, Love is Waiting (Brooke Fraser)...really that whole album (Albertine), and Hold My Heart (Tenth Avenue North)

March 2011

I am starting to think this month, by month journal is going to be tougher than I thought. This month felt like 3...

I started out this month in anticipation of Spring Break, hopeful for rest, and answers...I don't really even remember much from those weeks, other than the waiting...

Spring break and the week after were amazing, it was encouraging and I was given a lot of clarity, and answers. I got an interview for a grad school program and have a better vision for my future. I got to rest a bit and see others living in fresh faith, which was refreshing to my soul.

Then, there was the end of the month, and despite the answers and refreshing I ended the month with nothing left to give and a deep sense of despair and discouragement. I've been self-sufficient for a while, and asking the Lord to help me lean on Him instead, and He will be faithful to answer that prayer.

For no reason other than the busyness of my life I am completely exhausted and because my health has been horrible, I am discouraged...

So, this has been a roller coaster of a ride and I will be excited when I come off on the other side, relying on the Lord's strength and not my own, and full of joy once again.

Every once in a while, we have dry seasons, and every once in a while we have sad seasons. As one who's struggled with depressions for at least half of my life I am not unaccustomed to despair and discouragement, but I am surprised that it's hit now and ready for it to leave...

See you next month, where I will hopefully have peace and joy once again.

Books this Month: Dracula, Notes From the Tilt-a-whirl, George Mueller (I highly recommend Dracula and George Mueller's biography. Notes From a Tilt-a-Whirl was good, and challenges the Christian status quo...I enjoyed it and if you are up for a non-typical book about God, you should totally go for this one)


Songs this Month: Praise God (Steele Crosswhite), Amazing Grace My Chains Are Gone (Chris Tomlin)   ***Also, this month I got a CD player in my car, so I can listen to my own music once again instead of relying on the radio. I am excited beyond words about this!!!***

February 2011

February is the shortest month of the year...but every year it seems so much longer than any other month. I think it's because by this point every year I'm completely over winter and the cold, but winter is only half over and I have to endure. Another reason is that this is the month of decisions. Every year with out fail, I have to make big choices.

This year, I have had lots of big choices to make, and the hardest decisions ever. It's hard too, because I can't just make these decisions and move on. They will change the course of my life and I have to wait for God on several of them.
     -Where to live next August
     - What job to pursue for the summer
     - What career training to pursue this summer
     - What career/job to pursue come August
     - If I leave state, when to leave

There have been many sleepless nights, lots of thoughts and planning and surfing the web for more choices and informed decision making. I found an amazing grad program out of state and am working on the application for that. If I get in several of those decisions will be made for me and will be a weight off my shoulders.

This month has been hard because I want to follow God's path for my life and not steer myself selfishly, or follow others blindly. This is hard, because there is no pillar of smoke, or neon sign pointing me one way over another. I simply have to make a leap of faith, and I am terrified of falling.

This month, I've been preparing to let go of the ones I love and the places that I feel safe and at home. I will be leaving here soon and I need to be ready. At the same time I am also learning how to be 'all in' right here, even with changes coming. It's a weird thing and very hard at times. I very much live in the future, and the future for me is a giant black hole.

I'm so excited to see this year play out, and I know I will be able to look back in a few years and see how much this year shaped my life. I am learning about my identity in Christ (specifically that I am justified and valuable). I am learning about God (that he is personal, trustworthy and good).

I am absolutely exhausted, and would really like to know what to do and what's going to happen...but God has me in this place and I will walk it out.

Tune in next month to see how it's going :)

books this month: Notes from the Tilt a Whirl and Dracula. I am still in the middle of both of them...Dracula is amazing so far and I highly recommend it! I will get back to you on Notes From the Tilt a Whirl.


Songs This Month: Beautiful Fall (by Adam Watts). Praise God (Steele Crosswhite). 

January 2011

This month has been crazy busy and I feel like all I've done is run around...And I wouldn't change a thing. This month I got to hang out with tons of awesome people, watch my friend (Erica) get married. Send off a friend (Terrill) to Cuba, and babysit some amazing kids. I even had a dance party with the Alvarado's kiddos. I stepped into leadership on my team at church at the end of last month, and this month has been figuring out what that actually looks like and means for my life. Adjusting to the busier schedule, still being in people's lives, and having time to hear from God has been a challenge, and is something I hope to get better at next month, and have mastered by March.

This month I got to see God answer prayers for knowledge, provision and for more women to join my team at church. He is ever faithful, and hears us when we pray!

God showed me that I am pure in His sight, and yet need Him more and more each day. I understand justification much better than at the start of this month, and at the same time see the horribleness that is the sin in my life more clearly. God provided all the money I needed to pay my bills with random babysitting jobs and a house sitting gig! And on Jan 19th, we added one more woman to our team (which now has 12 men and 7 women)!

I'm praying for more women, not only because we are outnumbered, but because 1 is out of the country, one is getting married, one is moving and I am still praying about moving myself.

I am still in the process of praying about and processing the decision to move to Arizona. The timeline is August, but that is still up in the air. I will be visiting for spring break and then making my final decision. Mid June I will make an official timeline...stay tuned.


I highly recommend Because He Loves me and Prodigal God! These books have been very helpful in understanding the concept of justification and my rebellious heart toward God. I am very much like the older brother (read Prodigal God to understand more) and this is dangerous.

That's all for now...

Books this month: Because He Loves Me, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, D.L Moody and Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and started Prodigal God and Through the Looking Glass.


Songs this month: He Loves Me (By David Crowder Band) I Will Follow (By Chris Tomlin)

Introduction...

So I have no idea what I am doing with this blog. The dream is to be more reflective on what is happening in my life and have a place that friends and family can turn to for updates as well...as I might be moving far away from them soon. I will update with January thoughts soon...